Ponderings
As mother's day #3 rolls in, I find myself pondering a few things. What have I learned so far? Have I truly gotten used to being a mother? Am I really doing enough for Cullen? Is my life as close to what I would call normal as it can be? Should I put some more effort into the hours between 8 & 11 PM? When am I going to get the rest of these boxes sorted? How much of the yard should I try to plant this year? Have I been a better friend, spouse, etc. than I was in the past?
It's a litany of questions that pop into my stream of consciousness every day. Some I have answers for and others I can't answer.
- I have learned that there are some things and people that I do not have, nor should I try to find, the energy for. I have learned that Costco Kirkland brand diapers are the best buy, that sometimes I am the only mattress that works for my son, that kids really are quite forgiving and resilient, that I can do at least 3 things at once and that most issues in a baby's life are a phase that just has to be ridden out (with a little guidance to insure that it doesn't become ongoing). I have also learned that one has to be very careful of whether their remedy to a situation is about what is best for the child or about what makes the parent feel better. Example: allowing your child to continue with a soother to the age of 4 is more about avoidance on the part of the parent than wht is best for the child. I have learned that it is rare to find a family as put together and perfect as they might seem and that's fine because now I know I am not alone.
- I would say that I am fairly used to being a mother, the scheduling of my day is fairly automatic, even if I have to make changes I do not consciously have to remember to think about Cullen. I seem to turn towards loud cries and crashes to make sure that he is alright and I can tune out most cries that aren't Cullen. I miss snuggling and talking to him even if I am away for a day at work. I try not to let it get into the guilt zone though.
- I could be doing more, but I think that is something that every parent would say, no matter what. What I would like to increase is more time spent teaching him things like letters and numbers through games and such. Not that I am going to sit him down classroom style, just incorporating more of it into our daily life so that he can soak it in and internalize it.
- Life is getting to be very close to normal. The only thing that I am in need of working on is how to incorporate gardening with Cullen around (this may require a fence).
- Yes, I should probably put more activity into those hours instead of watching TV, but maybe I will start with an every other day thing at first ot ease myself into it.
- The boxes need to be sorted before the second week in June so that we can have a yard sale.
- The yard depends on budget & time.
- I am trying, but I can always try harder.