Ponderings

As mother's day #3 rolls in, I find myself pondering a few things.  What have I learned so far?  Have I truly gotten used to being a mother?  Am I really doing enough for Cullen?  Is my life as close to what I would call normal as it can be?  Should I put some more effort into the hours between 8 & 11 PM?  When am I going to get the rest of these boxes sorted?  How much of the yard should I try to plant this year?  Have I been a better friend, spouse, etc. than I was in the past?

It's a litany of questions that pop into my stream of consciousness every day.  Some I have answers for and others I can't answer.

1. I have learned that there are some things and people that I do not have, nor should I try to find, the energy for.  I have learned that Costco Kirkland brand diapers are the best buy, that sometimes I am the only mattress that works for my son, that kids really are quite forgiving and resilient, that I can do at least 3 things at once and that most issues in a baby's life are a phase that just has to be ridden out (with a little guidance to insure that it doesn't become ongoing).  I have also learned that one has to be very careful of whether their remedy to a situation is about what is best for the child or about what makes the parent feel better.  Example: allowing your child to continue with a soother to the age of 4 is more about avoidance on the part of the parent than wht is best for the child.  I have learned that it is rare to find a family as put together and perfect as they might seem and that's fine because now I know I am not alone.
2. I would say that I am fairly used to being a mother, the scheduling of my day is fairly automatic, even if I have to make changes I do not consciously have to remember to think about Cullen.  I seem to turn towards loud cries and crashes to make sure that he is alright and I can tune out most cries that aren't Cullen.  I miss snuggling and talking to him even if I am away for a day at work.  I try not to let it get into the guilt zone though.
3. I could be doing more, but I think that is something that every parent would say, no matter what.  What I would like to increase is more time spent teaching him things like letters and numbers through games and such.  Not that I am going to sit him down classroom style, just incorporating more of it into our daily life so that he can soak it in and internalize it.
4. Life is getting to be very close to normal.  The only thing that I am in need of working on is how to incorporate gardening with Cullen around (this may require a fence).
5. Yes, I should probably put more activity into those hours instead of watching TV, but maybe I will start with an every other day thing at first ot ease myself into it.
6. The boxes need to be sorted before the second week in June so that we can have a yard sale.
7. The yard depends on budget & time.
8. I am trying, but I can always try harder.