Under Your Hat

What's in a name?

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:39:15 -0400

I can't believe how quickly the days are passing!

We got back from Hamilton on Monday evening. We had a pretty good time. We stayed with friends that we haven't seen in quite some time and their new house is gorgeous. Granite counter tops, dark hard wood, built in china cabinet/butler's pass through between the kitchen and dining room, the only drawback is the size of the lot (Toronto Size postage stamp).

On our way home, we stopped in London for supper and there was a Linens 'N' Things just off the highway. I thought it would be easy to stop in after supper and get a set of kid's style sheets for Cullen's bed, since it is a queen it's hard to find kid's sheets that fit. We got Cullen in & out of the car and then in and out of the car when we got the the store. As we went into the store, Cullen decided to take off like a shot through the store, although he wasn't screaming or anything, he was just having fun running away. I caught up to him and we got him into a cart, informing him that it is dangerous to run away in strange places etc. Then I walked around the store twice trying to find the kids' section. I finally asked where the kids' bedding was and the lady did not know what I meant by "bedding". I'm thinking, this is a linen store, correct? Oh well, I changed "bedding" to "sheets" and was understood. She guides me around the store, which by the way has loads of preteen pink, orange and lime green patterned sheets for girls, but nothing that looks like it could be used for boys. She could not find what she was looking for and asked another employee who looked at me blankly and immediately stated that, "We do not carry kids' sheets.", stared at me a second and turned back around. I was left standing there with a puzzeled look on my face and not even an apology or explanation. I had seen children's sheets on the store website a week ago, but what do I know? Both employees just left me standing there, no suggestions, nothing. Later today I will be writing an email to the corporation explaining that I will be going, not just to another store, but another country (USA) to purchase what I need because the lack of selection and customer service skills in the Canadian market place is making me dread trying to find anything that I need lately. It will also state that I will not even entertain the idea of stopping at their US locations either. All of that in and out with Cullen and looking around the store when we could have been on the way home for nothing really got me upset, but I would have been less upset if someone at the store would have given a tinker's damn. I guess I am the one that was crazy enough to think that a linen store would have linen.

On the plus side, I have managed to scan in quite a few photos for mom and dad's anniversary book over the last couple days.

Soccer tonight, then grocery shopping. I am very happy that Zehr's is open until 10PM now.

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Hopes & Aspirations: From the Grander Scheme to the Mundane

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 21:48:30 -0400

The summer is flying by and I have still not managed to repaint the spare bedroom. I believe it is time for a list.

Things to Accomplish before September:

Repaint the spare bedroom
Attempt to potty train the munchkin
Read a book for fun
Get back on track with my eating. I have been able to maintain the weight loss with workouts, but events have been interfering with those of late, and I need to get the eating on track in order to reach the final goal.
Create a photo book for my mom and dad's 40th anniversary
Get a few garden beds going
Revamp my lectures a little, I am beginning to get bored of them.
Get after the number and letter recognition with Cullen. He can count to 15, which I am told is very good for his age, but I want him to absorb everything he possibly can while he is still a little sponge for knowledge.
Organize the next Big Cook ( I have done a little research and have gotten some good ideas)
Bring Digger home

Some things on this list are easier than others, but I hope to tackle them all.

I have a couple hopes to put out into the universe today. First, I hope people can get past themselves and see the sacrifices that need to be made, since the future dearly depends on it. Second, I hope that people can learn to work together and have respect for one another. Third, I hope that we all have at least 1 person in our lives that is able to tell us the truth, that we will also be open to hearing it from, and that we can use that knowledge of ourselves to become better people.

So much death and destruction in the world could be avoided with non-confrontational honesty and letting go of the hold that our egoes have over us. Why can't we just be open enough to say what we are afraid of, instead of acting out in anger? This is something that I work on everyday and I will continue to work on it throughout my life. I have been able to curb my anger, but I do not always follow through with telling people which fear made me so upset.

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The First Big Cook

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 21:09:45 -0400

So much has happened since the last time I blogged, that it would take too long to remember and write about and far too long to read. The synopsis is that the shower went really well. I am sure that I will be blamed for the tardiness of the spaghetti salad, but life can and has moved on from that. Dian got some very nice gifts and everyone had a good time, as far as I know. There were a couple crazytown encounters, but nothing that required me to hold back from screaming, so that's a plus. Crazytown and Lake Denial are going to remain the same no matter what happens and I can't control anything about that. I just keep my encounters to a minimum, especially with crazytown and life seems to roll on just fine for my family.

I had a lovely evening with a couple friends this passed Wednesday. It was a very positive, insightful and relaxing evening indeed. We gabbed about a number of things including husbands, kids, dogs, a little work, how as we get older we seem to be getting slower mentally (that I really can't afford) and a few other things.

Today was a long day, but good. Dian and I cooked dinner items to freeze for the coming couple months. We made 2 batches (1 for each of us) of the following: Bolognese sauce, Seasoned Beef & onion to use in any number of dishes, Mashed Potatoes, Butternut Squash, Rice with Spinach, and Beef Strips with Marinade. Since we planned to make four other recipes as well, we are going to continue tomorrow morning. We should be finished by noon. We still have to make batches of Chicken with Marinade, Chicken & Pasta Casserole, Beefy Chicken Loaf, Mushroom Sauce & Stroganoff Sauce. This should give us at least 20 meals to pull out of the freezer over the next couple months. I am going to do some research on line and get some tips for next time. I am thinking that next time should be some time in September. I have spoken to LG and Cindy Kurtis and they are interested in taking part, so that should add even more creative ideas and fun. I am really excited by the idea of making this a regular occurence, so that some of the pressure of coming up with meals is relieved. The less I have to think about it, the better it is.

This weekend should be fairly calm, which is good. Barry & his dad finished the fence posts and we are just waiting for grass in the back so we can finish the fence. We are leaving the fence boarding down so that the landscaping company has easier access. I would have liked to go for a family bike ride, but that does not seem as though it will happen. Cullen is terrified of getting into the seat on the back of Barry's bike. There is something about it that he does not trust. I don't know whether it is that he would not be able to touch the ground and thus feels out of control, but he won't even allow us to put him into it. He clutches to Barry and I so tightly that it feels like we would be torchering him if we forced him to get in. The funny thing is that he rides in the wagon just fine. I guess we will have to find one of those carts/wagons that attaches to the bike in order to go. I never would have thought he would react this way, but there isn't much we can do about it.

Looking forward to golf on Tuesday morning. It should be good for me to get out on a nice short course for nine holes. They will be serving sandwiches, fruits, veggies and bottled water on the patio at the clubhouse afterward.

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Thoughts on the Impending Visit

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 08:37:29 -0400

Things seem to be sorted out for Dian's shower, now all we have to do is wait for the day and hope all goes well. Long distance grandparents should arrive today, doubtful that we will hear from them before tomorrow.

I don't think that I'll see her until Sunday (fingers crossed). He'll be over some time to help Barry with the deck, but I don't think I want him to stay here out of obligation and pity. His wife sure puts him in some awkward situations. He should be used to that now and he should also be able to stand up for himself and what is right by now, he is over 65 years old. Pay attention now Mark, this is your future, without a voice of your own or an unedited thought of your own.

My son & I will not be visiting Essex to make things easier for her to see him. Her husband is coming to our house and if she can't see her way clear to make a trip with him, then too bad.

I understand that your daughter requires all of your attention because she has the emotional maturity of a teenager, but don't you think that maybe with her 4 days off per week she could paint her own daughter's bedroom? If that happened, you wouldn't have an excuse to rain on your son's parade because you are too unwilling to be even slightly out of your comfort zone and stay at his home, though he & I have asked you repeatedly. Attempt to blame it on me all you like, but it is your inability to bend into the unfamiliar, not my lack of proper hospitality manners, that keeps you where you are. Not even the idea that you are hurting your son's feelings will allow you to compromise and stay with us. Is it the fact that you would not be in control of the house, or that you might have to deal with reality in my space instead of your delusion land (Lake Denial)? Either way, it comes off like you are not as interested in our family as you are the others. You never make actual plans with us, we are an after thought to be fit in around the Princess' schedule and plans that you've already made weeks ago without considering our schedule or lives, even though your son repeatedly inquired about it.

Whether my assumptions and conclusions are right or wrong the facts are:

Your son's feelings are hurt.
Your self-fulfilling prophecy regarding how special any grand child after Taylor and Sydney would be has come true.
You are not going to change.
I am slightly relieved to be reminded of how things truly are. I had been speaking to you in a guarded, yet more natural way while we were at your house. Thanks for the reminder, obviously I needed it.
I do not believe I ever need to prepare to have you staying at my house, since it is unlikely to ever happen.

In my next post I will have a workout update, when I am in a slightly more positive frame of mind.

Funny though, I was not angry while writing this post, as I might have been in the past. I am only upset for Barry's disappointment. It's tough to take that type of rejection from your mother at any age.

The less I see of Barry's sister and the less knowledge I have of her life, the less emotional effect the two of them have on me. I find that I don't care any where near as much as I used to about their words and actions. Lately I find myself without emotion aside from shaking my head or rolling my eyes at her behaviour.

I don't believe that this visit will have too much effect on Cullen or I since we will not see her until Sunday.

I think it may be effecting Dian in a stronger way right now. When you're pregnant, not only is it the hormones, but there are certain ideas and pictures that you have in your head regarding your child's family relations. It is difficult and disappointing to come to the realization that it will never be what you may have wanted it to be in any way deeper than the surface (pretend) layer. It is also frustrating and hard to come to grips with the fact that there is nothing you can do about it and that for the first couple years of your child's life, or at least the first few special occasions, you will have to be fake as well. As the child gets older, it is easier to find ways to avoid engaging in situations that are fake. It is also easier to just not bother caring enough to put the fake face on. I hope that she can find a way to manage her relationships that suits her well and I am sure that she will. If there is one thing that she can gain from watching my experience, it is not to allow them too close to your inner self and feelings, they will exploit it. That is one of the only things, besides baby time that one can control.

Here's to having a great Sunday.

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Bits & Bites

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 13:05:45 -0400

Time is drawing near for Dian's baby shower and I'm making lists. I hope not to forget anything important. Only a couple months until the new nephew is born. She is probably getting a little nervous about it, it would only be natural. What a change that is going to be, babies always change your life in ways that you could not have imagined, even if you've heard a lot about them from other parents. It will be Cullen's first male cousin, that should be fun to watch as they get older.

Soccer was good yesterday. We tied, but I felt better playing this week than last.

Father's day is Sunday. This year Barry is getting a seat that Cullen can sit in when Barry rides his bike. This combined with the fact that I got Cullen a bike helmet a month ago should provide the opportunity for family bike rides. I really am itching to try out riding with Cullen instead of having to pull or push him everywhere. I know he can walk, but I'd like to cover a little more ground in the time we have.

This week is fairly boring, but we are starting the back fence this weekend. Barry is renting a post hole digger and is going to try to do it himself. I'm thinking he's going to need someone to help him dig the posts, but I don't know if he has anyone in mind yet or not.

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The Last Few Days

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Sat, 07 Jun 2008 14:33:42 -0400

Over the last couple of days, we have been rather busy and finally, a little sick. I am somewhat happy to report that the illness is not mine this time, abut it is bittersweet because it is Cullen. He seems to be sick to his stomach every Friday these past couple of weeks and yesterday was no exception. We are not sure whther he is battling an ear infection that the Dr. can't see and he doesn't have the vocabulary to tell us about, or what.

Thursday, we went for a walk to Lakeside park and managed to run into 2 sets of mom and kids that we know. We saw Mindy (DW's sister) with her 2 and we saw Amy (we know her through the home daycare and now soccer) with her 3 kids. I do not envy the idea of having 2, let alone 3, to watch over at the park. Apparently it was Mindy's first time at Lakeside, understandable since she lives in Essex. What are the chances that we would happen to be there the same day? Later we went to Cullen's swimming and Barry came with us, see pictures @ bottam. After that I went straight over to Kingsville soccer. A long day for me, but lots of fun.

Friday, Cullen went to school, I went to get a few plants, and Barry was home from work. We went to Barry's baseball game in McGregor and saw DW. It was a long, hot and humid time, but we brought lots of water, juice, watermelon, Goldfish and grapes. The daycare teacher said that they had just come in from outside when we picked Cullen up, so I didn't think much about his red cheeks. While we were at the ball diamond he started telling me that his tummy hurts, so I gave him some Tylenol. I guess that didn't work because 45 minutes later, he got sick. The poor little monkey. He perked up after that, so when we got home and put him to bed, I assumed that everything was OK. He woke up around eleven crying and he felt like he was burning up, his temperature was 39.2 C, not good at all. We spent the next hour or so cooling him off with wash cloths and in the spare bed in the basement because it is cooler, soothing him. His fever did come down, but it is still not gone today. He does seem much better compared to last night, but I don't like this Friday sickness pattern that he's fallen into.

The following are a few pictures from Sydney's birthday, swimming and baseball:

Sydney's Birthday

Swimming

Baseball

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Planes, Games & Dinner Out

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 09:25:28 -0400

It's been a very busy few days. Saturday Barry and I rode the Big Bike for Heart & Stroke. That was fun. I hadn't done it before, and it turned out to be a good time. I didn't know too many of the people that rode with our team, but it was nice to be out doing something with Barry.

Sunday was packed with action. First, we went to my soccer game in the morning, then to the Red Bull Air Races ( which turned out to be more interesting than I thought it would be), and then to Sydney's birthday party. The pilots of those planes are amazing. The announcers said that one or two of them had been former Top Gun pilots. You would almost have to be.

Monday I cleaned out some of the unopened boxes in the garage and then went to dinner with friends. It was a very good catch up session and we all got to see the hair, weight and pregnant belly changes in the three of us.

How about those Wings, or should I say those Penguins? I managed to stay up until the last 3 minutes were played, missing the winning goal in the 3rd overtime. Oh well, that's what I get for snuggling under a blanket that put me to sleep. I really did think that Detroit was going to win it last night, not that I am a Wings fan (I usually try to support the Leafs, UGH), it would just be nice to have the cup in the area. I would also like to see Chris Osgood win it again. Do you think they would allow me to guest bartend at Medicine Hat Golf & Country Club the day that he brings it back there again? I think it would only be fitting that I put the paralyzers in it again.

Things to do this week include gardening, the gym, soccer, swimming, sorting more boxes, and regular clean up. I wonder how much I will actually get to?

Below is some footage from the Air Races that Barry took. It was the only file small enough to load here. I think you can get the general idea from it.

Here's to hoping that everyone's hopes for how life will be come true!

Red Bull Air Race

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Long Time No Blog

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Wed, 28 May 2008 13:23:20 -0400

I know it has been quite some time since I contributed anything to the blogisphere, but here we go:

I have pretty much been sick and or suffering from a groin pull for the last month and a half. It has not been my favourite time so far this year, but I believe I am coming out the other side of it. Details aside, my cold was severe enough it gave me an inner ear issue which required dizziness meds. The groin is still slightly tender depending on the activity that I do.

Due to all the illness and the five days spent up North visiting the long distance grand parents (Crazytown's mother city of Lake Denial), I have not been at the gym too much. I have not reached the goals that I set for May, but I am realigning them, not giving up. I was pleasantly surprised yesterday at my first day back at the gym. I have not gained any weight and have only lost 1 minute on the rowing machine and down to 5.8mph on the tread mill with the last 1.5 minutes @ 6.5mph. I am quite sore today, so Cullen and I went for a walk instead and we'll go back tomorrow. I expect to return to previous performance levels in a week.

Within the last couple of days one of my cousins' cousins passed away. Sounds odd that I would know this, but we are from a smalll area and we all went to the same high school and I believe grade school for a while. She was 33 when she passed from a long battle with cancer, but I remeber her being such a nice person that would not have hurt anyone. Over the years she has had more than her share of challenges health wise and she got married the same year that we did, but the place where she bought her dress closed down and she very nearly did not end up with a dress in time for her wedding. She was proned to these types of experiences, so much so that Aunt Wendy would say that things like this would happen to Julie, if they were going to happen to anyone. I am glad that her pain and struggle is over, but I do wish it was because of remission. Such a sweet girl to pass so young.

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Ponderings

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Sat, 10 May 2008 16:45:45 -0400

As mother's day #3 rolls in, I find myself pondering a few things. What have I learned so far? Have I truly gotten used to being a mother? Am I really doing enough for Cullen? Is my life as close to what I would call normal as it can be? Should I put some more effort into the hours between 8 & 11 PM? When am I going to get the rest of these boxes sorted? How much of the yard should I try to plant this year? Have I been a better friend, spouse, etc. than I was in the past?

It's a litany of questions that pop into my stream of consciousness every day. Some I have answers for and others I can't answer.

I have learned that there are some things and people that I do not have, nor should I try to find, the energy for. I have learned that Costco Kirkland brand diapers are the best buy, that sometimes I am the only mattress that works for my son, that kids really are quite forgiving and resilient, that I can do at least 3 things at once and that most issues in a baby's life are a phase that just has to be ridden out (with a little guidance to insure that it doesn't become ongoing). I have also learned that one has to be very careful of whether their remedy to a situation is about what is best for the child or about what makes the parent feel better. Example: allowing your child to continue with a soother to the age of 4 is more about avoidance on the part of the parent than wht is best for the child. I have learned that it is rare to find a family as put together and perfect as they might seem and that's fine because now I know I am not alone.
I would say that I am fairly used to being a mother, the scheduling of my day is fairly automatic, even if I have to make changes I do not consciously have to remember to think about Cullen. I seem to turn towards loud cries and crashes to make sure that he is alright and I can tune out most cries that aren't Cullen. I miss snuggling and talking to him even if I am away for a day at work. I try not to let it get into the guilt zone though.
I could be doing more, but I think that is something that every parent would say, no matter what. What I would like to increase is more time spent teaching him things like letters and numbers through games and such. Not that I am going to sit him down classroom style, just incorporating more of it into our daily life so that he can soak it in and internalize it.
Life is getting to be very close to normal. The only thing that I am in need of working on is how to incorporate gardening with Cullen around (this may require a fence).
Yes, I should probably put more activity into those hours instead of watching TV, but maybe I will start with an every other day thing at first ot ease myself into it.
The boxes need to be sorted before the second week in June so that we can have a yard sale.
The yard depends on budget & time.
I am trying, but I can always try harder.

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Busy, Busy, Busy

nobody@vox.com(BMW) — Sun, 04 May 2008 16:13:54 -0400

We've had a wonderfully busy weekend! First we went to Barry's office party at the Keg and the casino and stayed over at the Hilton. So much steak, not enough space in the belly. Then we went to my Uncle's birthday lunch. Cullen was good amusement for everyone there. Then this morning I played soccer and Barry & Cullen came to watch. I ended up pulling my groin (ouch!) in the first minute of play, but I managed to be a substitute body on & off through the game, and still scored 1. I am not sure how I am going to get this week's workouts in, but I will have to keep an eye on my eating really closely this week.

The following is a link to a short video of Cullen dancing. It's cute.

I Like to Move it, Move it!

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